No more breast

It's been a tough week since I got back from New York. Angie, who fared really well with the bottle while I was away for 1 week, is now not sleeping well and constantly waking up. The reason according to Mark is that she is HUNGRY and I don't have enought milk to satisfy her.

It's been a big emotional battle for me. I think it is just as hard for me as for Angie ( probably harder for me) to give up feeding by the breast. The tenderness and closesness you feel for the baby is so intense and nothing can match it. And I always thought I would feed her for more than a year, to match Alison's feeding time or more.But it is a decision that has to be made and sadly, I have decided to wean her off the breast.

It's quite logical really.
1. Angie needs a lot of milk- she drinks much more than Ally - like 150 ml each time and about 6-8 times a day. And she can't sleep if she is still hungry.
2. I'm not producing enough milk for her. My milk supply is just not like before, probably because I have more commitments now like running after Alison, the business. Angie staying up because she's not getting enough is also wearing me thin, and as a result I keep falling sick. I'm sick like every 2 weeks... flu, cough, diarrhea, mastitis...you name it. I basically have no immune system loh! And me falling sick means even less milk!
3. For Angie, it's all breast or nothing. Since I came back, we thought we could do a combination of bottle and breast, supplementing with formula when necessary. But Angie flatly refuses the bottle once she knows I am around, whether its breast milk or formula, and would rather starve. I can't go away right since I am the mother! Yet I can't meet her needs with my dwindling milk supply which dwindles as each day goes by with her not sleeping well. So, basically, we just have to get her used to the bottle ONLY.
4. I can't give up the business. You know, when I was not working and had only Ally, I could take afternoon naps and sleep early so life was easy and my body was very healthy. Now, it's a wreck as I try frantically to balance everything. Something's got to give and so it has to be the breast.
5. Mark is dying too as he has to bear with Angie's cries since she sleeps with us ( There is no other room,:() So, we've got to get her back on track.

I admit that I'm very sad about this. For me, it's very personal and I don't think Mark will understand. I know he has my best interests at heart too and I agree that I gotta do something to get my own health back on track.

On the bright side, She is going to hit the magic 6 month mark and it's not bad that I've lasted this long with exclusive breastfeeding. And I am still going to continue giving breast milk but in a bottle. And I hope to do this, giving at least some breast milk for as long as possible. I strongly believe the antibodies in the breast milk can really help the baby.

And you know, there are good points to this. Namely that it will eventually free me up and not keep me so tied to home so I can do more for the business.

Of course now it's a big mess this week. Mark has gone overseas and my mum in law will be staying over for the next few days to help in the weaning. We're doing it cold turkey, Angie only gets the bottle. Once she is used to it, I will attempt to feed the bottle too.

Sometimes, I feel quite weak too. How come other mothers can handle like everything and I can't? They can sleep like a few hours everyday too and still manage everything.Hah, my in laws say I am the delicate type, just like my mum, so no training. And never eat enough meat or something. Tis true I think, my nusband's side never falls sick. But I never used to until this year lah... so it's the new demands lah.. just give me time to adapt.

Anyway, I think this is the right way. Do share your thoughts with me.. but encouraging ones lah.:)